Hidden Vagenda

by Kimya Dawson

/
  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

      $7 USD  or more

     

1.
2.
03:20
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
03:08
8.
9.
03:13
10.
03:58
11.
03:03
12.
13.
02:39
14.

about

This is my fourth solo album. It is the first album I didn't record on an analog cassette 4-track machine.

Recorded at Mourningwood Studio, San Francisco and in Jason and Brain's living rooms, kitchens, bedrooms, garages and yards.
Additional tracks recorded by Major Matt Mason USA at Olive Juice Music, NYC and by Kimya in the Dawson familly kitchen.

It's Been Raining and Blue Like Nevermind recorded at mains d'œvres, St. Ouen France.

Parade was recorded at the Audiology Center, Moseley, England.


Co-produced by Jason Carmer, Arion Salazar, and Kimya Dawson.

Huge thanks to Third Eye Blind for the use of their studio.

credits

released October 5, 2004

tags

license

all rights reserved

about

Kimya Dawson Seattle, Washington

shows

contact / help

Contact Kimya Dawson

Streaming and
Download help

Track Name: It's Been Raining
My mother says that
Rain is angels
Who are crying
Up in heaven
And I believe that
'cause when sad things happen
It starts raining
It's been raining

It's been raining
For awhile now
It's been raining
At least forty days
And I've been crying
Since the first time
Someone I loved
Passed away

I'll build an ark
Inside my body
In a bottle
And disappear
'cause my soul is drowning
Missing people
That I wish could
Still be here
But it won't stop raining
And I can't stop crying
My friends keep dying

It's been raining
For awhile now
It's been raining
At least forty days
And I've been crying
Since the first time
Someone I loved
Passed away

It's been raining
For awhile now
It's been raining
At least forty days
And I've been crying
Since the first time
Someone I loved
Passed away
Track Name: Fire
It seemed like everyone I knew was dying
I looked in the mirror and I was on fire
Somebody yelled out "hey, stop, drop, and roll!"
I said "that might save my skin, but it won't save my soul.
That might save my skin, but it won't save my soul"

You swallow hard and you bottle it up
Try to pretend you're a half full cup
Believe what they're feeding, you're eating it up
While I'm reading books about how they're corrupt
I'm reading books about how they're corrupt

He says he protecting us but he's a liar
I know deep down that it's down to the wire
My heart will stop if I put out the fire
As long as I'm burning
I'll keep on yearning
To save the world
Not sure how but I'm learning

Since what they call the beginning of man
Blood has been shed for the rape of the land
They call it civilized, I call it crap
Our only hope is to look further back
Our only hope is to look further back

If we really want for this world to survive
We'll just take what we need to stay alive
It's a mistake to just take and not give
It's not true that we must murder to live
It's not true that we must murder to live

He says he protecting us but he's a liar
I know deep down that it's down to the wire
My heart will stop if I put out the fire
As long as I'm burning
I'll keep on yearning
To save the world
Not sure how but I'm learning
And telling the truth the best way that I'm able
Placing my cards all face up on the table
It's okay to be scared, you do don't hafta act tough
Take all that pain and turn it into love
Take all that pain and turn it into love

And let your emotions be fuel to your flame
Being on fire will keep you awake
If somebody yells out "hey, stop, drop, and roll!"
Say "that might save my skin, but it won't save my soul.
That might save my skin, but it won't save my soul"
Track Name: Viva La Persistence
I dreamed I thanked scott ian for persistence of time
Back when Steve and Eva died that album changed my life
It was a package of pure darkness tied up with a silver string
Delivered by a fast train rearranging how I think
He said "i can't believe you even know that I exist,
I've got all of your albums and I think you are the best"
He started to cry and I started to laugh
I gave him a hug and he gave me his autograph

Reeling in my disbelief, I know that it was just a dream
All the covers that I see are different from the books I read

Everything is crumbling around me
Why does everything cost so much money?
Could somebody please help out my family?
My mom needs hearing aids, new shoulders, and new legs
My dad needs a break he works all day every day
My brother needs a place and a job where he can make
Enough money to take care of his baby

Here's a simple dissertation on a complex situation
Money and intimidation and mass graves make strong foundations
For the giant corporations that own all the TV. stations
Telling us to take vacations to their big theme park plantations
Rather than to hearts of nations

Where we might meet people on the street who say
"i don't want my mtv 'cause it brought viva to its knees"
And mom and pop are begging "please, globalization's killing me"
While we think that they think they need all of the things we think we need
Like martha stewart shams and sheets and sugar free powdered iced tea
Vanilla coke, lemon pepsi, friends episodes on dvd

I went to see the doctor of psychiatry
Weapons of mass instruction finally broke me
He said "act your age, don't be afraid, take two of these.
Now listen real hard, put down that guitar,
Don't be a retard, be all that you can be"

The things he said I could be were laid out right in front of me
Would I choose deep fried apathy, mcnuggets where my balls should be,
Or super sized conformity? I walked away and I'm still me
Free to go fucking crazy, free to know why I'm angry
One and one and one is three and you and me is all I need
Singing songs, drawing cocks, picking locks to locked doors
Find deflated hearts, and pump them up
Track Name: Lullaby For The Taken
Bombs are dropping, smoke fills the air
I wanna duck and cover but I've gotta stay out here
'cause I know myself and if I hole up in my room
I'll be consumed by the doom and the gloom

So I called john 'cause I know he knows sorrow
He said "i'll be in the city tomorrow"
So I go down and I watch him sing
And the way he sings sends a chill right through me, yeah

And now there's a mountain goat
Precariously balanced on the frog stuck in my throat
It says "sometimes whispering's okay,
But maybe you'd feel better if you screamed today"

The lady took the baby
I know she loves the baby
But the baby has a daddy
And his daddy loves him too
How could she take the baby?
Maybe she's gone crazy
She won't share
It's not fair
There's nothing I can do

The lady took the baby
I know she loves the baby
But the baby has a daddy
And his daddy loves him too
How could she take the baby?
Maybe she's gone crazy
She won't share
It's not fair
There's nothing I can do

Tuesday night grandma curled up in my bed
By wednesday morning my grandma was dead
I was in charlotte, I took the bus home
Her shoes, watch, and teeth were still in my room

And as I lay me down to sleep I felt her spirit rise up through me
She said "i got to live a long eighty six years, dry your tears.
I know it's hard but please let go so I can meet your grandpa in the undertow
Chin up girl, you've got to be strong, and know when you're singing I'm singing along"

The lady took the baby
I know she loves the baby
But the baby has a daddy
And his daddy loves him too
How could she take the baby?
Maybe she's gone crazy
She won't share
It's not fair
There's nothing I can do

The lady took the baby
I know she loves the baby
But the baby has a daddy
And his daddy loves him too
How could she take the baby?
Maybe she's gone crazy
She won't share
It's not fair
There's nothing I can do

Little bitty baby so far away
We hope that you can come home soon
When we're not together, now or ever
Always remember I love you

Little bitty baby so far away
We hope that you can come home soon
When we're not together, now or ever
Always remember I love you
Track Name: I Will Never Forget
I sat in the swamp with a little pink piggy
Who loved roller-skating and playing pretend
The boy that she loved was a real snackmaster
The world was a beach ball and we were all friends
Then he died alone and the last time I saw her
It looked like the reaper had rapped on her door
She said "do you remember singing ice ice baby with me
Laying down on the reef bathroom floor?"

How could I ever forget? I could never forget
I will never forget
How could I ever forget? I could never forget
I will never forget

Jimmy and johnny just stare at each other
While their mother hangs in the holiday inn
Your funeral on your son's seventh birthday
Is the worst thing you could ever give him
I bet he'd like flowers, balloons, and a card
"unconditionally yours, all my love, from your mom"
Much more than wearing that little black suit
And saying goodbye forever to you

I haven't forgotten the times that I teased you
And everyone else pointed at you and laughed
Permanent damage was not my intention
But I could not foresee the aftermath of my actions

I was so small
Wanted to grow in the eyes of my enemies
For awhile I felt tall
But they knocked me back down now I'm here on my knees

Looking at my face in a bed of pine needles
And wondering if anyone stills knows my name
I turned full circle and another half circle
And tried to go back the same way that I came
"look alive dawson, your heels are dragging
I never knew anyone could move so slow
You may be a hotshot now, but you are still a cow
A big fat F, why don't you just go home?"

I guess that that means I did not make the team
I'll just lay on the ground and look up at the trees
The old bedford oak the tall evergreens
This is not a joke this is not a dream
Not sleeping just resting in pieces that I wish were peaches
I saw your dad later that day
Maybe he shot himself, could've been someone else
Asked me to tell you what he had to say

"you don't have to end up with people who self destruct
Go find a lover who will never leave
Fear of abandonment, self hate, and discontent
Will go away when you let yourself grieve
And forget about me, forget about me, forget about me"

How could I ever forget? I could never forget
I will never forget
How could I ever forget? I could never forget
I will never forget
How could I ever forget? I could never forget
I will never forget
How could I ever forget? I could never forget
I will never forget
Track Name: Singing Machine
We switched to jay leno from da ali g show
To see some kids that we know do what they do on TV.
Sometimes I wish I was there, but mostly I just don't care
I cry and laugh and forth and back, it's all good comedy

And there's no rhyme or reason for the changing of the seasons
Sometimes the winter lasts for months sometimes it lasts for days
The world is an amazing place there's gaping holes in outer space
Sunburned for the first time skin is peeling off my face

And bruno said what anders said some producer said to young lennon
"they can't all be ballads julian"
And bruno said what anders said some producer said to young lennon
"they can't all be ballads julian"

Open up your eyes and see the beauty over there
Open up our ears and be surprised by what you hear
'cause it's not just on the radio, it's not just on the video
It isn't all downloadable, there's music everywhere

And the fact that they divide us should be enough to unite us
We are the world so boys and girls let's all collaborate
'cause when we play together we won't notice the bad weather
Like flashlight tag when it's real cold or kickball in the rain

And bruno said what anders said some producer said to young lennon
"they can't all be ballads julian"
And bruno said what anders said some producer said to young lennon
"they can't all be ballads julian"

Get out there and be seen, you're lean and clean,
You're barely nineteen, you're a singing machine
Get out there and be seen, you're lean and clean,
You're barely nineteen, you're a singing machine
Get out there and be seen, you're lean and clean,
You're barely nineteen, you're a singing machine
Get out there and be seen, you're lean and clean,
You're barely nineteen, you're a singing machine
Get out there and be seen, you're lean and clean,
You're barely nineteen, you're a singing machine

It doesn't matter what you look like, doesn't matter what you sound like
Doesn't matter if they like you, just remember to be kind
And tell someone you miss them, tell someone you need them
Tell someone you wish you could be with them all the time

Sounds silly but it's not a game, making music makes me sane
I sing away my pain and everything turns out okay
And I'm not talking fame and glory, 'cause that's a different story
This story is about how truth and love can save the day

And bruno said what anders said some producer said to young lennon
"they can't all be ballads julian"
And bruno said what anders said some producer said to young lennon
"they can't all be ballads julian"
And bruno said what anders said some producer said to young lennon
"they can't all be ballads julian"
And bruno said what anders said some producer said to young lennon
"they can't all be ballads julian"
"they can't all be ballads julian"
Track Name: Moving On
She was reunited with the father of her kids
He said "it wasn't me it was the booze; I know not what I did"
She said "you filled the bathtub with my blood when you bashed in my head
You can go to hell I'm moving on
You can go to hell I'm moving on"

Then she saw her mom who said "i love you sweet baby"
She said "then why'd you beat me until I started to bleed?
You starved me too I had to dance for money in the street
You can go to hell I'm moving on
You can go to hell I'm moving on"

Running from the one who gave her life
Running from the man who called her wife
She will find a way out I am sure
Then no one can hurt her anymore

When she got there the old man was holding a tutu
And a pair of brand new pink capezio toe shoes
She laughed and said "excuse me sir do those belong to you?"
He said "no they're yours, go put them on"
He said "no they're yours, go put them on"

The stage was big as every place she'd ever lived combined
And there were wooden soldiers there that were three times her size
With a plie and a releve her dreams were realized
She said "but I thought clara was a blonde"
She said "but I thought clara was a blonde"

The old man said "now princess, yes your hair's as black as night
But prima ballerinas now we know aren't always white
A million people saying something's so don't make it right"
She said "i've died and gone to heaven,
I've died and gone to heaven,"

Running from the one who gave her life
Running from the man who called her wife
She will find a way out I am sure
Then no one can hurt her anymore
Track Name: Blue Like Nevermind
Eyes like omens I've been told
And friends are found when keys are stolen
Find the keys the corn is golden
Friends have golden hearts and souls and
Icy blue eyes may seem cold when
Hearts are far apart and broken

When the sky is open wide
Pages bound to the roadside
Breaking backbones as I drive
Blue like nevermind

Blue is fire and blood and balls
Paint peeling on the bedroom walls
And broken doors on bathroom stalls
And waterfalls and booty calls

Je vois les yeux
Les yeux son tres bleu
Mes yeuse je fermerai
Et dites je suis fatigue

Eyes like omens I've been told
And friends are found when keys are stolen
Find the keys the corn is golden
Friends have golden hearts and souls and
Icy blue eyes may seem cold when
Hearts are far apart and broken

When the sky is open wide
Pages bound to the roadside
Breaking backbones as I drive
Blue like nevermind
Track Name: My Heroes
The word of the day's I don't know what to say
And the man in the mirror is wasting away
No songs to sing, no games to play
Just a big old hole in my heart
My heroes are falling apart

Now michael and paul they are chained to the wall
Since I was a kid I loved them best of all
But if they are guilty off with their balls
My heroes are falling, my heroes are falling down

And the old are supposed to protect the young
Not endanger or exploit them
This is something I can't stress enough
Having been fucked is no excuse for being fucked up
Having been fucked is no excuse for being fucked up

And my mom says to treat as you wish you were treated
And I know that she's sorry for the wrongs she repeated
And never forget how you felt as a kid
Look little you in the eye, each time you encounter a child

And the word of the day is you are a disgrace
And the man in the mirror only changed his face
No songs to sing, no games to play
Just a big old hole in my heart
My heroes are falling, my heroes are falling apart
My heroes are falling, my heroes are falling apart
My heroes are falling, my heroes are falling apart
Track Name: Parade
White man in white pants was dancing
Inside out and lost his ass
A little black girl on black rollerblades
Found his butt and picked it up
And gave it back and said "hey pops,
C'mon down we're having a parade!"

Everybody in this town
Is turning brown, it's summertime
C'mon down we're having a parade
Don't answer your phone, let it sing
And join the orchestra of rings
That will be our soundtrack for today

A million people realize there's better things to do
Than wasting their whole lives being accessible to you
Like throwing off their clothes and marching down the avenue
Singing "i'm in new york city, don't I look so pretty? hey!"

Mike bloomberg and jesse jackson
Sit in tompkins square relaxin'
Reach a stalemate start another game
Sarah jessica, tawana,
And the indian jane fonda
Eating mr. softies in the shade

A big fat mama in a thong
And a college girl with nothing on
Share a laugh over a lemonade
Seven foot trannies trading tricks
With business men on pogo sticks
'cause everyone's invited, hip hooray!

A million people realizing that reality
Is much more real outside their door than it is on TV
A plethora of specimens have taken to the street
Singing "i'm in new york city, don't I look so pretty? hey!"

It's summertime in new york city
And the people aren't just plain old pretty
They're hot as hell, I think I'm gonna faint
Even the junkies and the hari krishnas
And the guy who spray paints solar systems
On the backs of plastic paper plates

It's so hot you could fry an egg
On the back of the pit-bull humping my leg
I kinda like it, what more can I say?
'cept here comes hot dog in her wig
She's three times a lady, sweating like a pig
The sun is shining everything's okay

A million people realize a smile on someone's face
Is even more contagious than west nile or sars or aids
And what makes people smile more than a big parade
Through the streets of new york city
Where everyone's so pretty
Life used to be so shitty
But it's summertime, summertime, summertime, wooooooooo!!!!!!

White man in white pants was dancing
Inside out and lost his ass
A little black girl on black rollerblades
Found his butt and picked it up
And gave it back and said "hey pops,
C'mon down we're having a parade,
C'mon down we're having a parade,
C'mon down we're having a parade,
Woohoo! hey!!!"
Track Name: 5 Years
I imagined nick valensi wrapped his long, long arms around me
And they went around my body almost seven times
He said "baby I've been thinking and I think I will quit drinking
And I think on my next birthday I'll turn thirty five
And I will settle down with you, we'll make sweet love the whole night through
You'll convert into a jew, sit shiva for your former life"
And I said "nick although you're handsome, I'll hold out for isaac hanson,
And he'll get his braces back when I become his wife"
Me and hanson will go dancing, me and hanson true romance
Me and hanson take a chance, lock the door it's party time
All our babies will be born november seventeenth I'm sure
And we'll get a cookiepuss from the local carvel store
Then our brothers will come over for a big game of red rover
Everybody holding hands, break the chain, break the chain

What would I do when you've had a few?
Oh would I stay or go away?
Would you grieve if I chose to leave?
What would you say if I was in pain?

Last night sergio valenti customized some denim for me
Special for my special shape, they fit me perfectly
Now I've got this new ensemble, certain circles I'm a bombshell
But a guardian anglo keeps saying "negro please"
Pay attention and you'll notice one man's chops is one man's bloatus
One man's taint is one man's choad is one man's mr. clean
And every scene I've ever seen becomes a tootsie roll to me
A little tasteless waxy turd that gets stuck in my teeth
And everywhere I try to go the cars are moving much to slow
I said "excuse me mr. johnson" he said "call me beau"
"i think this is my biggest fear, the road before me is unclear"
He said "close your eyes my child and let the old man steer"
I said "oh, thanks anyway, what would fenton lawless say?"
Five years in the saddle and I've gotta take the reins

What would I do when you've had a few?
Oh would I stay or go away?
Would you grieve if I chose to leave?
What would you say if I was in pain?

Five years in the saddle and I've gotta take the reins
Five years in the saddle, five years in the saddle
Five years in the saddle and I've gotta take the reins
Five years in the saddle and I've gotta take the reins
Five years in the saddle, five years in the saddle
Five years in the saddle and I've gotta take the reins
Track Name: Anthrax (Powerballad Version)
There's anthrax in the envelope I opened in my dream
The sky is red and little kids are running, screaming in the street
I tried to run and save them but I had molasses feet
I keep having nightmares and I'm scared to go to sleep

If you fall in I'll jump down
And touch your face while we're both sinking
(stinking thinking) we won't drown
You are my friend
And what we're doing's too important
For our lives to end quite yet

In montreal I got so mad, someone broke into the van
Stole my guitar and aaron's bag
Then we turned on cnn, watched the towers fall again
And realized that our lives aren't so bad

This is just a test take it with love and you will pass
You will be rewarded if you do your very best
Nothing ever goes as planned so don't take anything for granted
If you do the world will kick your ass

The air is filled with computers and carpets
Skin and bones and telephones and file cabinets
Coke machines, firemen, landing gear, and cement
They say that it's okay but I say don't breathe in

The air is filled with computers and carpets
Skin and bones and telephones and file cabinets
Coke machines, firemen, landing gear, and cement
They say that it's okay but I say don't breathe that shit in

An angel named gabriel is watching over you
He was a friend mistreated now he's dead so say you're sorry to him
When you say your prayers tonight if you make amends
The gates to heaven here on earth will open up again

If you fall in I'll jump down
And touch your face while we're both sinking
(stinking thinking) we won't drown
You are my friend
And what we're doing's too important
For our lives to end quite yet
Track Name: You Love Me
I moved around from town to town
Lots of people around, but still so lonely

Friendships would grow then I'd hit the road
Making up excuses for why I had to leave

Always been too scared and unprepared
To let anybody get too close to me

But when I met you right away I knew
You would never ever ever hurt me

And the road's still long but you come along
And you hold my hand and you understand

When I look at you I can't believe it's true
You're all I ever dreamed of and you love me
And you love me, and you love me
Track Name: Angels And Seagulls
The boat that we're sailing on can't stop in town
'cause the waves that the boat is on won't settle down
If this boat flips over and everyone drowns, well that's alright with me
That's alright with me

God's green pasture's not heaven to me
I'll spend forever deep down in the sea
Singing and swimming and being happy
Weightless and painless eternally

One grandpa's ashes and one's underground
One grandma's ashes and one's still around
If this boat flips over and everyone drowns, well that's alright with me
That's alright with me

God's green pasture's not heaven to me
I'll spend forever deep down in the sea
Singing and swimming and being happy
Weightless and painless eternally

I don't want to die alone, I am too proud
That you can tell me from the rest of the crowd
If this boat flips over and everyone drowns, well that's alright with me
That's alright with me

God's green pasture's not heaven to me
I'll spend forever deep down in the sea
Singing and swimming and being happy
Weightless and painless eternally

The angels and seagulls will ask themselves how
I've got my head in the crow's nest my feet starboard bough
And the ocean will say "well she's one of us now"
And I will be set free, I will be set free, I will be set free, I will be set free